The Art of Finding and Keeping Love

keeping love

— first published on BellaNaija on 10-02-2015–

It’s that period again when the atmosphere around us is serenaded with just one message – love. As the whole world waited earnestly for the announcement that was to be made by the INEC Chairman regarding the possible postponement of the elections, many Nigerians had become divided into clear lines. Asides the obvious concerns about the implication of the postponement on national security and possible rigging, there was an underlying concern that the postponement was generating.

Based on the earlier election time-table, the presidential election had been slated for Feb 14th, implying that this year’s Saturday Valentine’s Day would be spent by many people at polling booths, or at best in the confines of their homes. With this arrangement, many a male folk resident in Nigeria, lived with some relief, knowing that they wouldn’t have to spend on the said date. Immediately the news broke that the elections had been postponed, social media was thrown into a frenzy, as all sorts of pictures and messages were shared taunting the guys who had spent the money for valentine, because of the elections.

As hilarious as this trend may seem, it only encapsulates the mystery that occurs in many relationships. Between finding and keeping love, lies many shades of grey. In a recent conversation with one of my friends, he mentioned to me the increasingly growing complaints of his girlfriend of how he had begun to lose the magic touch that made him sweep her off her feet. As we laughed this off, one question I kept asking myself was how many other ladies shared similar opinions. While the guy chased, he was all romantic and dotting, writing poems, singing songs, and going out of his way to make the lady happy. After he gets the answer, and the relationship (in other cases marriage) begins, he lets go of the steam and comes back to being a normal dude. In the mind of the lady, she can’t fathom why the affection subsided all too soon, where the poems ran off to and in the midst of that thought to her, lies that nagging question “Maybe he doesn’t love me enough anymore.”

The act/art of finding for many guys is often taken on as a challenge. Guy A sees Babe B who he likes, and having convinced himself that she matches his specs and all, decides to give her a chase. He tries to place his foot in all the right places, from the initial introductions/first meets, through the many conversations via phone calls and sms, and then possible dates, surprise gifts and hang-outs, etc.

While he does all these, he somehow believes that it’s him against other guys racing for her heart and as such he stays on top of his game, ensuring that every turn she makes is into his arms. As the lights turn from red to yellow, he intensifies his effort until finally the lights go green and they both become engaged/married.

For the lady, she has seen someone who has beaten all competition. Amongst every other guy that was in contention for her heart, Guy A ticked the most boxes; he made her laugh easily, wrote poems that made her swoon, took her on romantic dates and above all, he was godly, tongue quoting, bible believing, etc. As she makes up her mind to choose him above every other guy, she looks forward to much more that he would do to keep her happy, but alas, in most cases, the reverse is usually the case

So, I’ve thought to ask myself;
• Why do guys find it so easy to find love, putting all their efforts into it, and end up putting in less effort into keeping it?

• Do girls really live in a world fantasies when they expect guys to keep up the tempo, perhaps even more than they did during the chase?

• Where did the mis-match in expectations creep in?

As the day draws by and the focus on majority of people shifts from the postponed elections to the emergency valentine celebration, I really do hope that answering these questions would help a brother or a sister stay in love and keep the fire burning.

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